Be Who You Are, Not What Others Want You To Be!

Why are you single? When are you going to get married? When are you having kids? Why you don't have kids? Why is she/he divorced? What happened to them? Why are they like that? Why and why and why people like to ask these insensitive questions, being prejudice, stereotyping, speculates, gossips, and make inappropriate judgments.  

How can you ask something that someone can't 100% control, just like death? Some things are unknown, it's like asking, when are you going to die? It's common sense. If you don't know this answer, means you won't know the exact why for such questions. 

When someone is single by choice or it's not just the right time for them, let it be. So what if that person wants to be or will be single forever? It may be better for the person than being with the wrong partner for the rest of the person's life. You don't meddle with God's plan or even someone's choices. You can't force people to get into relationships, what's more marriage. If it is forced, how can a marriage be happy and whole? Love is a huge topic. Again it's not just about relationships and marriage. 

People should not pretend to be stupid, play dumb, needy, spoiled, or fake just to attract/be with a life partner. Women and men should have their own intelligence, personality, independence, and truthfulness in life. We want to be real and genuine, and if someone wants us to be part of their life, it's better for them to know the real us from the get-go. Not presenting a false front.

A healthy relationship should be two individuals who love and care for each other, support, motivate, respect, be kind, honest, loyal, help, guide, communicate well, listen and give the very best to each other, by also being the best version of themselves. Not one person should be superior to the other or vice versa. If you feel forced and put yourself down for another person, you are probably in the wrong relationship. 

Put aside status, education level, salary, or position in career, a partner and a healthy relationship should be side by side, be supportive, help each other, understand each other strengths and weaknesses, able to give and take/compromise, and open to learning from each other when it comes to marriage or any relationship. 

A woman's or man's characteristics for example being soft or strong, and men prefer soft/more feminine women, and women who are less intelligent/educated than them, should not be generalized. Some men admire women who are intelligent/educated, strong, and independent and women have their preferences too. Different people are attracted to different traits. No one size fits all. 

No one should pretend to be less than she/he is for the opposite partner to feel desirable or dominant. If a person desperately and constantly trying to boost their ego, be dominant or prove power especially in a relationship, this may lead to negative behavioral patterns and impacts such as emotional instability, harassment, abuse, bullying, verbal and physical violence, unhappiness, and depression. 

We are all individuals in the end and have our differences. As a human being, one of the goals in life is trying to be better than we were yesterday. Trying to change ourselves for the sake of pleasing someone and pretending just to make someone feel happy or superior is not healthy and can jeopardize our own mental health and also the relationship in the long run. 

If we want to change something, for example, I want to be more fitter, healthier, happier, smarter, financially independent, and so forth, it is for ourselves (without being selfish or self-absorbed). If we take care of ourselves first then we can take care of others better. Do for yourself and the motivation will be sustainable than doing for other people.

Respect and love yourself. Respect the people around you. Then we should not be degrading or intimidate anyone. This will make you a better person. We attract what we are. 

Life is unique, so does human beings. Life itself is bigger than getting married, having kids, make tons of money, and so forth. This is the typical life cycles, stages and goals we all have learned in our life. The strong pressures in society dictate what is better and not just because that's what it is for the past generations have been. The pressure to fit in with society's standards and expectations is also there.  

As a society and individual, let's understand deeper that not everyone will have the same life cycles and even life goals. There are things we can control and can't control. Not everything that is good for you is going to be good for other people. Having or not having something can be a blessing and sometimes only God knows why. 

In life, some may walk their path of life and make choices completely different from us and that's perfectly fine. We all have our own unique journey and that makes us different, and we can use that differences to make life better for ourselves and the life of others. 

Let this sink in.

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