Let's be real - WEIGH your words and actions rather than other people's weight

Let's be REAL.

Across my almost 30 years living, I have gone through 3 stages of weight - slightly underweight, normal and slightly overweight and none of these stages was easy honestly. When I was in school, I was slightly underweight for my age and height, I was basically skinny. I was called so many names such as lizard, wood, paper and so much more – that they didn’t know I’m not exactly skinny, I appeared to be more skinny because I slouch, as I carried heavy bags and I was afraid to stand up straight as boys will say things about my chest. I always have these enormous appetites when it comes to eating – partly because I love food, partly because I want to gain weight – perhaps it is nice not to be called names because of my body and just hope to shut those dirty little mouths.

When I was in school - I was skinny and I'm fine with that

Well, my prayers to gain weight was answered. Over the years growing up, I gained, little by little. My metabolic rate was good back then, so I managed to eat a lot, but I didn’t gain much. I was skinny until I finished my Degree, and my weight was normal. The comments are still there about my body and weight, but as usual, I will just keep quiet or just give it a laugh because I’m just exhausted to reply to heartless individuals who think they deserve to judge and comment on people’s appearance or think it’s funny because ‘oh, I was just joking’, hahaha! Well, it was not funny at all. At least I managed it quite well. Some people fight with anxiety, depression, mental health issues and even worse suicide because of bullies.

When I was in University

When I dated my boyfriend - now my husband

Loving my life, till today

I can't fit this dress now haha but it's okay, I was super slim, not sure can I actually go back to this shape hahaha

When I got married to the love of my life

During the PTD training for a while

During my FSTEP days. One year married

I have been actively working out for the past 1.5 years till today with my husband

Me during November 2019 Annual Dinner

Then, I was deeply in love with my boyfriend, who is now my husband and I saw my weight gained to my desired weight goal – I was happy eating and in love! Some said "oh, you look nice", and some still with their bad choice of words and bad-mouthing about my body. I got married to my husband and my body kept on changing. My body has become slightly thicker than before – well I was thinner and I was fine and happy with these changes.

Some commented, I look nice, hot and so on, some said I look chubby, put on weight, thick, thicc, and fat. Until today, these are some of those words that some people love to comment on my weight and body. Some even wish for me to get fat when I was skinny, and when I’m chubby they said you should lose your weight, skinnier is better.

Some have known me from young and when they saw my appearance had changed, they felt that ‘Sofia changed’. Some who knew me only recently, surprisingly told me that I look good, much better than before and so forth. I am currently focusing on my fat loss journey and keeping fit and healthy with my husband. I feel I am happier and healthier now than ever and feel so blessed to be given such support and motivation by my husband – my pillar of strength. He understands my journey and never undermines me.

Many people out there, sometimes including ourselves tend to compare the ‘ideal weight or body shape’ to supermodels and hot celebrities. If you are not as balanced as them, you are not ideal, thus you are skinny and fat, never normal. Trust me, everyone’s term of ‘ideal’ is different. Some might think body like a Victoria Secret model is ideal, some might think body as the Kardashians are ideal, and more.

The way people view beauty is not standard. I can be thin to some, I can be big size to some, that’s just the world. To add, most people nowadays adore beauties that are mostly fake with injections, makeup, Photoshop, filters, and forget the real beauty and accepting the real figure and look of a real woman without comparing one woman to another. Every woman is different and every shape has its beauty and uniqueness. Embrace them.

Yes, we need to be aware of our weight to ensure that we are healthy and fit, but please, rather than wasting your time commenting on people’s weight, focus on yours and help other people positively if needed, never insult. Progress is important if a person is being active in sports, although their body is not as desirable as you may think, support their journey, they are trying, and you? Typing or talking negatively can't make you lose weight or in shape - just saying. Just feel and think.

Why I share this story? I believe it's not just me who faced such name callings and bad comments from people we know (which is worse) or we don’t know. I know many people out there face the same issue. I have been dealing this name-calling and get bullied (which I will share more in some other posts) all my life, till today.

Sometimes I just don’t understand and ask myself, why me. Is it because I’m too nice to people and I tend to keep quiet when people talk and do bad things to me. I did have moments that I fight back, but those were the days that I felt it is better to use peace than fire back at some. The most I can do now is to educate people through my writing, which is my number one purpose why I started writing and sharing.

Of course, when you get bullied too much, you need to stand up. In fact, don’t let people bully you at all, but sometimes it is unavoidable. The sad part is most of the time, these bullies are the one that is close to you or you know them – it can be your family members, close friends, colleagues and you name it, CLOSE or KNOW.

Sometimes, it’s just so hard to say to their face, “Stop, I've had enough”. These people don’t understand that their one-word or collective and series of questions and comments can ruin a person’s emotion, wellbeing and even relationships. They think about themselves first rather than putting themselves in someone else shoes first before talking and acting. Some might say ‘Oh, I rather am blunt’, ‘This is who I am’, ‘I said out loud’, ‘You’re too sensitive’, and the list never ends.

It’s commendable, to be honest, but there are always ways to say things. Choose your words wisely. If you want to provide feedback, provide them constructively, learn if you must. If someone is sensitive, does that mean you are insensitive? I realized that most who said to me that I was sensitive, their sensitiveness is actually worse than me. They can tell people, but they can’t accept if people tell them off. I rather am sensitive and feel, yet still can control my emotions and act accordingly than being insensitive or ignorant.

These bullies, they like to bully people, but they forgot to put a mirror in front of them and thought they were the perfect ones. They talk about people’s appearance, relationship and so much more, but they didn’t reflect themselves. Sad truth. Hurtful intentional words and actions might hurt someone so bad that you can never imagine. One bad person in life is enough to ruin someone, what if you are one of the thousands, ever thought of that?

I believe people can change, that’s why I give people chances, and that’s why I get bullied day by day, ouch~yeah I know. Some I can bare and I help to make them realise and help them change. Some are just brutal and when I have done everything I could and my very best, but nothing change, I pray and leave in God’s hands. At the end of the day, I try not to be these people that hurt people badly and try to be a better me, God bless.

If you noticed from all the photos, you can see how much I grow and change across this year, and for me, this is perfectly fine. I'm a human being and I am blessed I have the opportunity to age and change throughout my life.

I write this to provide awareness, so people can note if they are doing it or they are facing it, either way, hope it helps you and will provide you with some light ways to ease your journey in life. Life is already tough, people make it tougher, unfortunately. We need to be stronger than ever.

If you are getting bullied, stand up for your rights in the right way. Be close and stay with those who support and uplift you. This will help you undergo the tough moments in life. May we find strength and kindness in peace.

Be happy, strong, healthy and fit. Love yourself inner and outer and be kind! Thank you for reading. Till next!

Luv