3 Techniques to Love Yourself

Do you love yourself? Do you appreciate your existence? If yes, how big is your love for yourself?

If you never thought of this, it probably sounds new to you. If you know well about loving yourself, I would love to know your point of view on loving yourself better.

Anyways, knowing and not knowing is both beautiful because knowing means you can learn more and not knowing you can learn new things, and there’s nothing wrong about that. Sometimes in life, we have to learn to unlearn and relearn. Most importantly, we open our minds to learn new and different things. :)

From personal studies and collection of personal and other experiences, it is vital to love yourself if you have not, and love yourself even more if you already did. How? Here are 3 tips to cultivate self-love in your life. ;)

♥ Get to know the real you

One of the hardest things in life is to actually really understand ourselves. Yes, that’s true. Sometimes we think we know ourselves, but there are many things we couldn’t notice with the help of others giving us feedback.

Prior to asking others to give you feedback, you need to understand yourself first. Who you really are? What kind of person are you. What values do you hold onto. Your character, your likings, what you don’t like, your principles, strengths, and weaknesses. Are you left-brained or right-brained or both. Are you the same person at home and at the office. Are you the introvert or extrovert type. How social and reserved you are.

There are plenty of other points to note but these are some of the important ones. In short, analyze yourself, understand the real you, in and out. It would be beneficial for you if you jot them down, especially your strengths and weaknesses as these points can help you understand yourself even better in life and also in your career.

♥ Understand the JOHARI window

I have learned this technique back in my school days when I was in the Peer Counseling Club. We had many events and facilitated other students and that was one of my best experiences in life. I enjoyed this facilitating and motivating kind of thing and I kept that close in my life, till this very day, and hope to do more in the future.

This JOHARI window is a famous technique used by many psychologists, self-help groups, and corporate motivational talks around the world to help people to understand their relationship with themselves and others.

JOHARI window

ღ The Open or Arena quadrant in the table below is the part where we and others know or can see. For example, I know that I love writing, and other people are also aware that I love writing too.

ღ The Hidden or Façade quadrant represents what you know about ourselves but others don’t know. It depends on the person to disclose the information or keep it secret as it is. For example, no example, cuz it’s a secret. :P The key is, you don’t want other people to know because it’s your privacy.

ღ The Blind Spot quadrant is other people can see but you are not aware of the aspects. This is a point where it’s good to ask other people for feedback and constructive criticism for areas of improvement if any. It is a great way to learn more about your strengths and weaknesses that you might miss, overlooked, or be overconfident in thinking that you’re actually good at certain things but you’re not as good as you think.

To illustrate, I might think I’m a great singer (which I totally know I’m not, my voice is so Shizuka/Doraemon), but I’m not. Or, people might see I’m a good cook, but I don’t know that I actually can cook well. Be open and accept feedback as from there you can grow and learn things that you don’t know. Find the right people to ask, take it easy and improve.

ღ The Unknown quadrant is that you don’t know and others don’t know too. God knows. This is the most mysterious area that the unconscious and subconscious parts of us and others are not aware of and can’t be seen. For example, I don’t know that I’m a fierce person and others don’t know as well. This is not me, but who knows if it is. ~ Example :P

Hope you can grasp this JOHARI Window technique from my explanation above.

♥ Embrace the real you and be grateful for who you are today

Once you try to get to know the real you and also understand the JOHARI Window quadrants and apply these in your life, you will eventually learn how to embrace yourself completely. It’s vitally important to love yourself physically, emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually. In Bahasa Malaysia, we called this as 'teori motivasi JERI' (Jasmani, Emosi, Rohani, Intelektual) or I called them as PESI motivational theory.

If you can master these techniques, you will find your inner peace and satisfaction in life. Not for anyone, but for yourselves. Make friends with yourself, then you can make better friends with others. Be grateful for knowing and understanding the real you, you will find inner happiness.

Inner beauty is important (a good heart – kindness) if you are able to get this right, no matter how you look, you will look pleasant and you will make other people feel pleasant to deal with you. Of course, you have to know your limits and when to be firm and strict when times needed you to be one, but don’t harm people. It is subjective your good and my good, your bad and my bad, just don’t harm, don't be a vicious person and ruin’s the life of others, in short.

To conclude, it is normal for some of us are not aware of cultivating self-love in our life. Some might care less. No problem, it’s never too late to realize something that can benefit us in the long run.

I do think it’s important because, in times of hardship and sorrow, you know how to get back up on your feet and know your principles when people are bullied or try to screw with your life. Know yourself better than anyone, because sometimes you have to make difficult choices in life and sometimes the only person you can rely on is yourselves.

You know yourself better than anyone else does, but sometimes it’s also good to understand other peoples’ views as well. Remember, the JOHARI window concept. Probably we know, but others may see better on the things we can't see.

Understand that we are not perfect and will never be. All we can do is try to be better than we were yesterday. If you can help others, do so. Most importantly, help yourself first and hopefully one day you can help others as well. One step at a time, you will eventually reach what you aimed for.

Love yourself deeply so no one can break you no matter how cruel life can be. :)